Teenagers with Autism Series: Working on Flexibility

Parenting a teenager can definitely be scary. When you add autism into the mix, it can be even more worrisome. What do you need to do to make sure that your teen can function and be safe once they go out into the world? How can you help them to nourish their natural gifts so that they can enjoy that life once they get there? And what can you do to get through these teenage years with your sanity intact?

In this series of blogs, we will focus on suggestions for parents of teenagers on the autism spectrum. I speak, not just as a clinician and Board Certified Behavior Analyst, but also as the parent of two teenagers with ASD. In this article, third of this series, we will look at how to help your child or teen adjust to daily changes, and to not be overwhelmed by alterations to their routine.

Our children with ASD love their routines. They tend to get a bit obsessive or fixated on things. I don’t know about you, but this often drove me crazy! My son liked having the same routine every single day and if things didn’t go the way he thought they should, then it resulted in a tantrum/meltdown. Of course, as a behavior analyst I knew this would happen. However, as a parent, it was frustrating.

So, what did I do? You guessed it…. I primed him! Every night he got a warning of the one thing that would change for the following day. I focused on one part of the day, whatever part of his daily routine that was easiest, to set us both up for success. Because his school experience was already difficult/aversive for him, I steered clear of morning routines. Instead, I picked evening routines. If Monday involved reading a book, taking a shower, watching tv and then bedtime, then Tuesday would look different. Perhaps I would have him play with Legos, take a shower, read a book and then bedtime. Our days never looked the same; this wasn’t because I didn’t like routines, but really was because anytime he noticed a pattern in our routine, he expected things to be the same. When they weren’t the same, we could expect him to have a tantrum.

As he got older, he got the message. I no longer needed to prime him because he knew that every day was different and that there was a purpose to all of these schedule changes. As adults, most of our days are different. We anticipate doing certain things during the day (errands, chores, etc.), but frequently things don’t go as planned, and we have to be flexible with that. Essentially, I focused heavily on flexibility, so that when we needed to work on other routines or rigid behaviors, he knew that he could be flexible and that it would be okay.

Elizabeth Gudiel, M.A., BCBA
Clinical Director, Salt Lake City, UT
Tuesday, June 22, 2021