Teenagers with Autism Series: Disclosing a Diagnosis

Parenting a teenager can definitely be scary. When you add autism into the mix, it can be even more worrisome. What do you need to do to make sure that your teen can function and be safe once they go out into the world? How can you help them to nourish their natural gifts so that they can enjoy that life once they get there? And what can you do to get through these teenage years with your sanity intact?

In this series of blogs, we will focus on suggestions for parents of teenagers on the autism spectrum. I speak, not just as a clinician and Board Certified Behavior Analyst, but also as the parent of two teenagers with ASD. In this article, second of this series, we will look at how to talk to your child or teen about their autism diagnosis and what it will mean for their future.

It is scary to think of the day when you will finally need to have that hard conversation with your child/teen regarding their diagnosis. As a clinician, parents often ask, when is it okay to disclose to their child that they have ASD? How should they do it? They often ask, how did I do it? The reality is that it depends: some kids will realize that they are a bit different and will begin to question “why?”, while others will be completely unaware of their differences. What I often tell parents is to gauge their child’s maturity level and understanding.

When my son was 5 years old, he asked if he was different. He said he was an alien, and nobody liked him. Obviously, this broke my heart, but at that time I was not sure he would really understand what autism was, and nor was I ready to hold that conversation. His diagnosis had come in late, at 4 and a half years old, with no prior services and a parent that knew nothing about ASD. How could I explain to him that he had autism? Or even tell him what autism was? I told him that we are all different people, no two alike, and that these differences were a good thing.

Later, at about age 10 or 11, he questioned again why he was different. Around this time, he had begun teasing other kids that were in his ASD class about their differences, and I knew it was time to have the conversation. At that point, I had to sit down and explain to him what Autism was and how it looked on him. I made sure to emphasize that Autism was just a characteristic or like a small mole on his hand, but it did not define him as person nor what he would be capable of. I made sure to remind him every day, in particular those hard days, when he felt that he was socially awkward, that his ASD would not define who he would become as an adult and that he would have the control to decide.

Elizabeth Gudiel, M.A., BCBA
Clinical Director, Salt Lake City, UT
Tuesday, June 15, 2021