Teenagers with Autism Series: Discussing Body Changes

Parenting a teenager can definitely be scary. When you add autism into the mix, it can be even more worrisome. What do you need to do to make sure that your teen can function and be safe once they go out into the world? How can you help them to nourish their natural gifts so that they can enjoy that life once they get there? And what can you do to get through these teenage years with your sanity intact?

In this series of blogs, we will focus on suggestions for parents of teenagers on the autism spectrum. I speak, not just as a clinician and Board Certified Behavior Analyst, but also as the parent of two teenagers with ASD. In this article, fourth of this series, we will look at how to help your child or teen understand the changes that are happening to their bodies, and how to set up that conversation for success.

Puberty…. aah! How I dread you!!! Really, talk about not knowing where to start when you have to tell your child their body is changing…like every day! Oh man, those awkward moments of silence and as a parent, dreading the next question your child may ask. But really, as parents we are our child’s resource, so we must be brave and power through all those questions.

So, you may ask, how do you hold these conversations? Simple, start off by having a quiet space, free of interruptions. As you may have read in one of my earlier blog posts, the key is this: build rapport, create a safe space, and build a relationship – all things that will come in handy.

The next thing is to start off by asking them if they have any questions for you. Ask them if they noticed something different in their bodies. Perhaps extra hair in places that they didn’t previously have it? Maybe body odors? Skin bumps or blemishes? It really is just asking them to see if they have observed anything different in themselves. Whether they are boys or girls, some changes are pretty noticeable and once you point them out, they may be more willing to talk about it.

Then explain why and how their body will be changing in the next couple of months and/or years. If you have books to reference, that can help, but if not, it’s okay! You can build the conversation by telling them about your own changes. I mean, I told my son about my scare- I didn’t really have leg hair as a child, but around age 12, I began noticing hairs growing on my legs and I wasn’t sure if that was normal. It was scary, and for a minute there I hid my hairy legs from my mom. Eventually I grew the courage and asked her why that was happening. So, share your experience during puberty, be vulnerable, talk about the things that scared you, the things you liked and did not like. Make them feel comfortable.

If your child is non-verbal, no worries! You can apply the same principles. I am a believer that whether a person can vocalize their questions or not, they can hear and understand what you are saying. Also, keep it simple. Break down body changes into phases, so you don’t overwhelm your teen/child with too many changes at once. Use visuals if your child is more of a visual learner and most important of all, enjoy the moment!

Elizabeth Gudiel, M.A., BCBA
Clinical Director, Salt Lake City, UT
Tuesday, June 29, 2021