Creating Predictable Routines During the Holiday Season: A Parent’s Guide for Children with Autism
Written by Behavior Frontiers as Part of their Bright Futures Series
The holiday season is full of magic, tradition, and quality time with loved ones – but for families with children on the autism spectrum, it can also bring on a wave of changes. Shifts in schedule, outings, family gatherings, unfamiliar crowds, new foods, new environments, and sensory challenges can all make things feel a bit unpredictable. Because children with autism often thrive on routine, predictability, and structure, these holiday changes can potentially become sources of discomfort for your child with autism (often manifesting in the form of anxiety, meltdowns, tantrums, or withdrawal). But with a little planning and preparation, you can help make the holidays feel fun, joyful, and inclusive for everyone.
In this comprehensive guide, we’ll walk you through:
How to establish and maintain predictable routines during the holidays
How to support your child before and during holiday gatherings
How to ease into shopping, choosing a tree and other traditions, and
How to travel in a way that respects your child’s needs.
Use this as your “best holiday yet” blueprint – warm, organized, and full of practical ideas to help your whole family feel calm, connected, and ready to celebrate the season with confidence.
Why Routines Matter, Especially During the Holidays
Routines and rituals often provide children with autism a sense of control, stability and safety. During the holidays, when school may be out, events are happening, and the usual daily rhythm is disrupted, this becomes even more important.
As you plan for holiday gatherings, travel, shopping and tree-picking, anchor the new elements with as many familiar routines as possible – same mealtimes, wake/bedtimes, “quiet time,” and perhaps most critically, small cues and countdowns so your child knows what’s coming.
Here are some key elements to keep in mind:
Start preparing early. Talk about the upcoming holidays a few weeks in advance. Use calendars, countdowns, or visual charts to help your child visually track when events are coming up. This helps reduce surprises and supports smoother transitions.
Use visual schedules or picture timelines to show upcoming events (holiday dinner, tree outing, travel day) so your child can see what’s expected.
Maintain familiar core routines: wake time, breakfast time, therapy time, quiet time, bedtime, etc. Try to keep these consistent even on event days, if possible.
Use consistent language and phrasing when explaining plans or changes. For example, if you use the “first–then” method, stick with that structure (“First, we’ll get dressed, then we’ll go to Grandma’s”). Familiar wording reinforces predictability.
Create a safe, quiet spot that your child can recharge in, both at home and during gatherings if possible. This can be a guest room or even a cozy corner. Include your child’s favorite items like pillows, blankets, books, and toys, as well as sensory items like fidgets and noise-cancelling headphones for comfort and familiarity.
Offer choices whenever possible. Giving your child a sense of control can reduce discomfort. For example, let them choose between two holiday shirts to wear, which activity to do first (like decorating cookies or watching a movie), or whether to greet family members with a wave or high-five.
Preview sensory experiences in advance so your child knows what to expect. Talk about how the tree lot might smell like pine, the store may play loud music, or there may be flashing lights at a holiday event. You can even practice at home by playing short clips of holiday sounds or showing pictures of decorations.
Reinforce positive participation with praise and small rewards. Celebrate progress, flexibility, or successful transitions with a high-five, verbal encouragement (“You did great at Grandma’s!”), or a favorite treat or activity once home. Positive reinforcement builds confidence and helps your child associate the holidays with success and comfort.
With that foundation, let’s map out how to apply this across the major holiday-season areas.
Holiday parties, family dinners, and large gatherings can be very exciting, but it can also be a bit overwhelming for a child with autism. Below is a full breakdown of what you can do before, during, and after a holiday gathering, with practical examples and tools you can use to navigate with confidence.
Before the Gathering
Talk ahead about the event with your child. Use simple, concrete language and visuals. For example: “First, we will get dressed. Then we will go to Grandma’s house and eat dinner.”
Create a visual guide for the big day and practice going over it in advance. You can make a simple timeline using photos, drawings, or icons to represent each part of the event – getting dressed, travel, dinner, playtime, and home.
Visit the location in advance or show photos and videos if possible. If the gathering is at a new place, help your child get familiarized by looking at pictures of the home, decorations, or the people who will be there, if it’s available. Talk through what they might see, hear, and do – like saying hello, where they can sit, or when it might get a little louder – so the experience feels familiar before you even arrive.
Communicate your child’s sensory needs with family or hosts in advance. A quick, friendly conversation before the event can go a long way toward creating a more comfortable and inclusive environment. By preparing your family/hosts in advance, you can reduce surprises for everyone. Consider mentioning things like:
a. What sensory triggers your child may have (such as loud music, crowded spaces, bright lights, or strong food scents).
b. What sensory items your child uses for comfort (like headphones, a favorite toy, fidget, or small blanket).
c. What your child’s routine around food, rest, and activity is typically like (for example, “They usually take a quiet break after lunch” or “We’ll bring a few preferred snacks”).
d. You might say something like: “We’re so excited to celebrate! Just a quick note that if you notice [child’s name] wearing headphones or stepping away for a few minutes, that’s just how they stay comfortable. We really appreciate you helping make the day fun for everyone.”
Gently introduce new holiday experiences. The holidays bring a mix of sights, sounds, and smells that can be exciting, but sometimes overwhelming. You can help your child warm up to these changes gradually by:
a. Showing short videos or photos of holiday lights, music, or family gatherings.
b. Playing soft background holiday music to help them adjust to the sounds.
c. Letting them explore décor or new textures (like ornaments, tinsel, or wrapping paper) through touch and play.
d. Talking about what new foods or smells they might encounter, and offering chances to explore those ahead of time without pressure
Pack a comfort or sensory kit. A comfort kit gives your child a sense of control and security during the day. Let them help pack it so they know exactly what’s inside and when they can use it. Consider including:
a. Noise-cancelling headphones or earplugs
b. Favorite snacks or drinks
c. A small fidget or sensory toy
d. A cozy item like a blanket, stuffed animal, or a favorite hoodie
e. A small activity for breaks, such as coloring pages or a picture book
f. A “break card” or cue your child can use to signal when they need quiet time
Collaborate with your Behavior Frontiers team. Your child’s Behavior Frontiers clinicians can help you prepare in meaningful, skill-building ways. Ask about short practice sessions before the holidays to work on greeting people, joining group activities, or using communication tools to request breaks. These real-world readiness goals can make gatherings more positive, predictable, and successful.
During the Gathering
Arrive a bit early if possible. Getting there before the crowd builds allows your child time to adjust to the new environment while it’s still calm. It also gives them a chance to explore the space, locate their quiet area, and get comfortable before the energy level rises.
Review the plan together when you arrive. Remind your child what the day will look like. You can say something like, “First, we’ll say hi to everyone, then you can play with your toy. When dinner starts, we’ll sit together, and afterward we can take a break if you’d like.” Visuals, timers, or verbal reminders help anchor expectations throughout the event and reduce uncertainty (often shown as anxiety, withdrawal, tantrums, or meltdowns).
Keep an eye on sensory load and transitions. Pay attention to early signs that your child may be getting overstimulated – covering ears, pacing, or retreating quietly can all signal sensory overload. If this happens, gently guide them toward their comfort space or use items from the comfort kit like headphones, a snack, or a favorite toy.
Encourage choice. The more your child feels they have control, the more comfortable they’ll be. Offer small, structured options like, “Would you like to sit next to Mom or Dad?” or “Do you want to play for five more minutes or take a short walk?” These simple decisions help your child feel empowered and can prevent frustration from building into a tantrum or meltdown.
Give your child a special role in the celebration. Including your child in the flow of the celebration helps them feel part of the day. Hands-on participation builds confidence, connection, and pride. Try assigning simple, meaningful tasks that match your child’s interests and comfort level such as:
a. Help putting utensils on the table
b. Add ornaments to a centerpiece
c. Help mix batter, stir cocoa, or pour juice into cups
d. Place cookies on a tray or set out snacks
e. Assist with cleanup by putting items away or helping wipe the table
Reinforce positive participation. Acknowledge and celebrate your child’s efforts throughout the event. Praise specific behaviors – “You said hi to Aunt Mia!” or “You stayed at the table and tried one new food – great job!” Small affirmations, high-fives, or sticker rewards can reinforce confidence and help your child associate gatherings with positive experiences.
After the Gathering
Return to predictable routines quickly. Once you’re home, re-establish your child’s familiar structure, like a warm bath, a favorite show, or a bedtime story. Returning to a consistent rhythm helps increase comfort and sense of safety.
Celebrate successes, both big and small. Focus on what went right rather than what was hard. Maybe your child tolerated new foods, stayed longer at the table, or used a break card independently. Share those wins with genuine pride: “I’m so proud of how you used your break card today!” Positive reinforcement turns progress into motivation for next time.
Talk through the day together. Ask your child what they liked and disliked most about the day. Was it the cocoa? Helping set the table? Seeing their cousin? Their answers can help shape future plans and remind them that their voice matters.
Section 2: Shopping, Choosing a Tree & Other Holiday Traditions
Many families enjoy holiday traditions like visiting a tree lot, picking gifts, or decorating the house together. For children with autism, these new and busy environments can sometimes feel overwhelming – but they also provide wonderful opportunities for learning, communication, and growth.
Easing into Holiday Shopping & Tree-Picking
Plan the outing together. Talk through what will happen ahead of time: “On Saturday, we’ll go to the tree lot at 3 pm and pick a tree and then come home to decorate.” Use visuals like photos of the location, a simple map, or icons showing each step (drive → choose → pay → decorate).
Ask your Behavior Frontiers team about scheduling a community outing session at a local store or tree lot for additional support. Your behavior therapist or clinician can accompany your family to the outing to support skill building in a real-world setting.
Break the activity into smaller steps. Breaking complex events down into smaller parts can help make things easier to digest and build confidence.
a. Tree outing example: get dressed > drive to the lot > look at three trees > choose a favorite tree > pay for the tree > tie the tree to the car > drive home > decorate the tree
b. Gift shopping example: make a short list > get dressed > drive to mall > visit one store > find one item > buy item > return to car and take a break
Keep familiar routines in place whenever possible. Even when the day looks different, anchor it with regular structure, like the same wake up time, same lunch time, etc. Predictability helps your child understand that even exciting days still follow a rhythm they can rely on.
Support sensory comfort. Holiday outings often include bright lights, music, new scents, and bustling crowds. Prepare your child by explaining what to expect and bringing tools for comfort (headphones, sunglasses, favorite hoodie, fidget, break card, a preferred snack, etc). You might say, “There will be music at the store, but you can use your headphones whenever you like.”
Celebrate effort and progress. After the outing, praise what went well. “You picked a tree and waited in line – great job!” or “You told me when it was too loud, and we took a break – that was perfect.” Positive feedback builds pride, emotional awareness, and motivation for next time.
Why These Activities and Traditions Matter
Family activities such as holiday shopping, cooking together, visiting a park, picking out a tree, or even just spending quiet family time at home can help children with autism practice real-life skills in familiar setting such as:
Encouraging participation through choice making and communication
Providing structure to help manage transitions and new experiences
Celebrating small successes to build confidence and connection
With structure, choice, and support, these experiences become more than just errands. They become growth opportunities your child can enjoy and feel proud of.
Section 3: Traveling with a Child on the Autism Spectrum
The holidays often bring travel of some kind – visiting family, flying, staying in hotels, or taking road trips. For children with autism, travel introduces many new variables at once: changing schedules, environments, and routines. Thoughtful preparation helps keep the experience calm and enjoyable for everyone.
Before Traveling
Create a visual travel timeline. Make a visual schedule of the trip: packing day, car ride or airport, arrival, meals, and rest times. Reviewing this each day helps your child understand what’s coming and reduces travel anxiety or discomfort.
Coordinate with travel providers. If you’re flying, contact the airline about early boarding, quiet seating, or special accommodations. If staying at a hotel, ask for a quiet room, fridge space for preferred foods, and low-scent cleaning products if needed. Many hotels will accommodate these requests when you explain your child’s sensory needs.
Pack comfort and sensory items. Include familiar, soothing items such as noise-cancelling headphones, a favorite hoodie or blanket, tablet with favorite videos, fidget toys, or snacks your child prefers. Familiar items help new environments feel safe and predictable. For longer trips, pack duplicates of comfort items in case one gets lost or misplaced.
Keep core routines consistent. Even on travel days, try to stick with your child’s normal schedule for meals, rest, and bedtime. These anchors provide a sense of stability amid all the change.
Familiarize your child with the environment in advance if possible. If you’re flying, consider visiting the airport on a quiet weekday before your actual trip. Walk through the terminal, watch planes take off, and practice waiting in line or hearing announcements. Many airports offer practice experiences (like “Wings for All” or “Wings for Autism”) that allow families to go through the entire process, including security and boarding. This can help your child become more comfortable with the sights, sounds, and routines they’ll experience on travel day. If you’re driving, take a short practice trip with rest stops so your child gets used to the car routine and transitions. If you’re staying in a hotel, show photos of the room and talk about what it will look like, what the beds are like, and where you might relax once you arrive.
During Travel
Preview transitions. Narrate upcoming changes: “In ten minutes, we’ll walk to the gate,” or “After this rest stop, we’ll have lunch.” Use a visual countdown or schedule to help your child anticipate what’s next.
Offer small choices. Choice provides a sense of control, which can reduce stress. Let your child pick a snack, choose between two activities (coloring or tablet time), or decide whether to wear their hoodie or use a blanket. These small decisions help your child feel more confident and capable throughout the trip.
Watch for sensory overload. Travel environments can be unpredictable – loud noises, bright lights, motion, and crowds can all be overstimulating for a child with autism. Each setting has unique ways to regulate:
a. On a plane: Have your child wear noise-cancelling headphones during boarding and takeoff. Encourage deep breathing, sucking on a lollipop, or chewing gum to help with ear pressure and anxiety. If your child feels overwhelmed and can’t physically leave their seat, try calming distractions, like looking out the window, focusing on a favorite video or song, or holding a comfort item. Bring a small “calm kit” with fidgets, coloring pages, or a soft toy for sensory grounding. If possible, choose an aisle seat so you can easily take short standing breaks in the aisle or bathroom area.
b. In a car: Build in rest stops every 60–90 minutes. Stretch, take a short walk, or have a snack to reset energy levels. Keep a small backpack of comfort items within reach – snacks, water, headphones, and tactile items – and encourage your child to look out the window or listen to their favorite music.
c. At the hotel: When you arrive, immediately help your child choose a comfort corner. This might be a chair by the window, a bed pillow pile, or a space with their blanket and sensory toys. Letting them pick the spot gives them ownership and reassurance. Bring familiar items (like their pillowcase from home) to make the new environment feel safe.
Use calming strategies as needed. Encourage self-regulation techniques that you’ve practiced at home or with your Behavior Frontiers team. Try deep breathing (“smell the flower, blow the candle”), gentle hand squeezes, or repeating calming affirmations (“We’re safe, we’re together”). Breathing apps or visual timers can also help your child stay grounded when anxious or overstimulated.
Keep familiar mini-routines, even on the go. Routines can be replicated in small ways – saying the same bedtime phrase in a hotel, watching the same morning video on travel days, or playing the same playlist in the car. Familiar language and rhythms give children a sense of security, even when everything else is new.
Praise flexibility and effort throughout the journey. Reinforce positive behavior with specific encouragement: “You stayed calm when the plane got loud,” or “You asked for your headphones when you needed them – great job.” This helps your child associate travel with success and builds confidence for next time.
Finding Balance and Joy During the Holidays
The holidays are a special time filled with laughter, connection, and meaningful traditions. But for families of children with autism, they can also come with unique challenges. From gatherings and travel to the sensory excitement that fills every space, it’s easy for schedules and emotions to feel unpredictable.
The good news is that a little planning goes a long way. Creating predictable routines, preparing for new experiences, and honoring your child’s sensory needs can help transform busy holidays into calm, connected moments. By planning ahead, communicating openly, and giving your child the tools to thrive, you’re setting the stage for a season that feels truly joyful – not just for your child, but for your entire family.
Even small successes, like trying a new food, greeting a relative, or staying patient in a busy store, are worth celebrating. These are the moments that show your child is learning to adapt, participate, and find comfort in change, one step at a time.
Year-Round Support Through ABA Therapy at Behavior Frontiers
At Behavior Frontiers, we believe growth doesn’t pause for the holidays – and neither does our support. Our team of highly trained clinicians provides personalized, data-driven ABA therapy year-round to help children with autism build real-world skills that foster independence and confidence in every setting, from in our centers, to in your home, school, and community.
If you’re not yet enrolled, we invite you to learn more about how our compassionate, evidence-based programs can make daily life – including the holidays – smoother and more predictable. With Behavior Frontiers, your family has a trusted partner dedicated to helping your child reach their full potential through consistent routines, individualized goals, and ongoing collaboration.
Call us at 888-922-2843 or fill out the form below to learn more.